Confessions of a Cereal Killer

ANY SEINFELD OBSESSIVE is familiar with Jerry’s “usual” at Monk’s: a bowl of Cheerios. Jerry Seinfeld has sprinkled his enduring appreciation for cereal—and other processed breakfast foods—throughout his do the job. He even produced a total film about Pop-Tarts, the Netflix comedy Unfrostedout Might 3. Don’t get us wrong, we stand by the superior-protein breakfasts featured in the web pages of our journal. But when you want to recapture the childhood joy of sneaking into the kitchen right after bedtime to tear into some Froot Loops, Seinfeld is listed here to convey to you how to do it proper.

MEN’S Well being: You are famously a lover of breakfast foods. How did it start?

JERRY SEINFELD: You just are not able to consider what I ate as a kid. I would have cereal in the early morning, Pop-Tarts in the afternoon. Then I’d try to eat a small little bit of lunch, but I hated it. And I would hardly ever take in meal. My mom would make dinner, I’d have a few of bites, and then I’d press it absent. But right before mattress, I’d make another gigantic bowl of cereal. I was taking in a great deal of Entenmann’s, which was on top of the fridge. I mean, just almost nothing but junk.

MH: How do you eat now?

JS: I can’t consume now like I made use of to when I was a kid—or even when I was undertaking Seinfeldwhen I was in my 30s and early 40s. I would continue to try to eat unquestionably anything, whenever I required. So I seriously experienced an incredible free of charge journey. I under no circumstances learned anything at all about [healthy] taking in right until I was in my 50s. Then I made a decision it was time to discover out what you’re supposed to try to eat.

MH: Did you eliminate the joy of ingesting breakfast meals as soon as you had to consume much healthier?

JS: No, I totally held it. I use it for temper management now.

MH: I’m in need to have of a tiny temper management myself. What cereal do you prescribe?

JS: Effectively, it depends on how frustrated you are. If you’re in actual hassle, Frosted Flakes is the way to go. If you just want a very little bit of a carry, you could possibly go with Honey Nut Cheerios. If you want to pretend that you’re not eating cereal, you can have Raisin Bran. But I’m in favor of possessing cereal at any time you want it. I have a line: “You’re eating and consuming at the very same time, with one hand, without having searching.” That is just likely to modify your complete day.

MH: What are your feelings on the new wave of high-protein cereals?

JS: Certainly sickening. If you want protein, make some eggs.

MH: Do your kids share your like of cereal?

JS: Oh, for absolutely sure. Late-evening cereal with my young children, which I still do, is a single of the best joys of parenting. You get them into the kitchen at like 11:00 o’clock, you are having cereal alongside one another, and that is when you really find out what’s going on with them.

MH: It’s a shame organizations no extended place toy prizes in the packing containers.

JS: And they’ll never do it yet again. Their attorneys will by no means allow them. We have a scene in[[[[Unfrosted]in which any individual eats a frogman [toy]and the reaction from Kellogg’s company is: “They’re frogmen they’ll come across their way out.”

MH: When did you turn out to be a Pop-Tarts obsessive?

JS: It was someday in the 2000s when [I realized that they] may well have been a pivotal section of my childhood. It was late at evening and I went to an all-evening grocery store. I acquired Pop-Tarts, I toasted them, I had them with a chilly glass of milk, and I thought, I’m heading to publish the best stand-up plan about Pop-Tarts at any time. And there are some other fantastic ones presently out there other comedians have bits about Pop-Tarts. But I resolved I was likely to just take this topic and take a look at it deeper than any individual else at any time has.

MH: What taste of Pop-Tarts had been you ingesting throughout this revelation?

JS: It is normally brown sugar cinnamon.

MH: And often toasted? Or do you try to eat them chilly, as well?

JS: No, that’s barbaric.

MH: What variety of milk do you wash it down with?

JS: Almond milk. It is a lactose factor.

MH: Are you aware of the drama surrounding almond milk?

JS: No, but I like any drama that has to do with milk.

MH: Turns out increasing almonds works by using up a large amount of drinking water. Individually, I agree with Lewis Black’s outdated little bit about how milk demands to appear from a teat.

JS: I have a bit about almond milk, too. “How did they locate a stool little more than enough to slide under the almond?” I just value that at some position somebody’s boss have to have slammed a can of almonds down on their desk and stated, “And determine out how to get some milk out of these goddamn things!”

MH: You are a born-and-lifted New Yorker. What’s your bagel order?

JS: The raisin bagel, toasted with butter, is an all-timer. Immediately after I have my bagel with lox and product cheese, I make myself a raisin bagel, toasted with butter.

MH: So you have an entrée bagel, then a dessert bagel.

JS: That is appropriate. And then I have dessert after thatcinnamon babka. And that’s my Sunday early morning.

MH: What is your parting information on the Most Essential Meal of the Day?

JS: Initial of all, nothing’s crucial. That’s just a little something someone claimed in a assembly. “It’s the most significant food of the day!” Then somebody else stated, “Hey, which is a superior line. Let’s use that.” But it’s nonsense. Anything you want to be vital is essential.

A variation of this write-up originally seems in the May well/June 2024 issue of Men’s Wellness.

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